No Apologies
I went to the bank a few days ago to deposit a refund check from the US Treasury. When I filed my 2016 taxes, the government had told me that I underpaid, and now they have decided that I overpaid. Because Bill died half way through 2016, I was required to file as a married couple that year, so any correspondence from the government regarding that year's taxes has always been sent or made out to "Brianne and William B deceased Davis." That mail is always super fun to open. It would be great if they would stop sending him things and making checks out to him, when they are aware that he is dead.
At any rate, I took the check in to the bank and the teller took one look at it after she saw my signature and said, "William needs to sign this also."
Really? Does he? How do you want to handle this lady? Because I have about had enough of the incessant paperwork, the mind numbing phone calls with businesses who act like it's completely unusual when one of their customers die and they have NO procedure in place telling them how to deal with it.
I decided non of this was actually her fault, so I gave her a break. Sort of.
I replied, "HE'S DEAD. That's why it is made out to Brianne and William DECEASED Davis."
The clerk gave me a shocked look and blinked, "Oh, um let me make a couple phone calls to see how to handle this."
Here's how we are going to handle this. You are going to deposit the check and I am going to get the hell out of here in a timely fashion.
Which of course, is not how it happened.
She then asked, "How long has he been dead?" Not in a, "Oh I'm so sorry. How long has it been?" way, but in a more cold, very business-like way.
Really? Because that matters? Oh about 20 minutes. I just came from the hospital. For crying out loud lady, it has been 3 long years and I have the grief, trauma and therapy bills to prove it.
"Three years." Would you like me to tell you all the gory details? Would that help my case here?
I was irritated to say the very least. One may say that I was a bit short with her, and I made no apologies for it. Truth be told, she didn't either so I didn't really feel all that bad about it.
Finally after about 10 minutes and 2 different phone calls she printed off an affidavit for me to sign, attesting that I was who I was stating I was, he was truly dead, should the court of law ever find this to be untruthful, blah, blah, blah. Right. Because I would walk in here and willingly claim that my husband was dead so I could cash this check without his signature. That's a thing people are doing now. Because this is all so much fun and I have the time and energy to deal with this bullshit. You people are killing me.
I am done making apologies for my bluntness. I will no longer make excuses for the way I feel about situations like this. Or really anything regarding his death. Nor will I make excuses for the way my children feel. When Bill died, it felt as though I had an appendage literally cut off my body and for the last three years I have been learning to live without it. I will forever be without it. It is hard and it is painful and I am not going to apologize for making people uncomfortable with my or my children's grief. We are allowed to feel this way and society needs to make that ok for us and everyone else who is grieving.
At any rate, I took the check in to the bank and the teller took one look at it after she saw my signature and said, "William needs to sign this also."
Really? Does he? How do you want to handle this lady? Because I have about had enough of the incessant paperwork, the mind numbing phone calls with businesses who act like it's completely unusual when one of their customers die and they have NO procedure in place telling them how to deal with it.
I decided non of this was actually her fault, so I gave her a break. Sort of.
I replied, "HE'S DEAD. That's why it is made out to Brianne and William DECEASED Davis."
The clerk gave me a shocked look and blinked, "Oh, um let me make a couple phone calls to see how to handle this."
Here's how we are going to handle this. You are going to deposit the check and I am going to get the hell out of here in a timely fashion.
Which of course, is not how it happened.
She then asked, "How long has he been dead?" Not in a, "Oh I'm so sorry. How long has it been?" way, but in a more cold, very business-like way.
Really? Because that matters? Oh about 20 minutes. I just came from the hospital. For crying out loud lady, it has been 3 long years and I have the grief, trauma and therapy bills to prove it.
"Three years." Would you like me to tell you all the gory details? Would that help my case here?
I was irritated to say the very least. One may say that I was a bit short with her, and I made no apologies for it. Truth be told, she didn't either so I didn't really feel all that bad about it.
Finally after about 10 minutes and 2 different phone calls she printed off an affidavit for me to sign, attesting that I was who I was stating I was, he was truly dead, should the court of law ever find this to be untruthful, blah, blah, blah. Right. Because I would walk in here and willingly claim that my husband was dead so I could cash this check without his signature. That's a thing people are doing now. Because this is all so much fun and I have the time and energy to deal with this bullshit. You people are killing me.
I am done making apologies for my bluntness. I will no longer make excuses for the way I feel about situations like this. Or really anything regarding his death. Nor will I make excuses for the way my children feel. When Bill died, it felt as though I had an appendage literally cut off my body and for the last three years I have been learning to live without it. I will forever be without it. It is hard and it is painful and I am not going to apologize for making people uncomfortable with my or my children's grief. We are allowed to feel this way and society needs to make that ok for us and everyone else who is grieving.
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