Collateral Beauty

I miss Bill to the depths of my soul. Nothing could ever take away or replace the love that I have for him and the life we shared together. Some made say collateral beauty is a term invented by hollywood to sell tickets at the box office, but I am here to tell you that it is a real thing. Through the immense pain and devastation of my husband's shocking death, I have been given some incredible gifts. Gifts that I may have never received had this not happened to us. This tragedy has given birth to an extraordinary sisterhood that I am now a part of. 

I am a believer that certain people come in to your life for a reason. Since Bill's death, I have been crawling through the darkness in search of light, and there has been a group of women surrounding me the entire time. These women came to my side, unasked and without hesitation. Some of us were friends before, some of us mere acquaintances, some had never met each other. I can say without a doubt, that I am better and stronger than I could have ever been without them. I am so grateful for each and every one of them. 

These women took care of me and the boys. They made sure we had plenty of food and I didn't have to cook a meal for nearly three months. They took turns sitting with me every evening after I put the boys to to bed so I wouldn't have to be alone. We cried together over the unfathomable loss I was experiencing. They provided humor and laughter when I thought my life was completely void of both. They got me out of the house when I needed reprieve from my life. Some of them took my kids for play dates so I could have a break. They came to important financial meetings with me because I couldn't retain any information in my fog. In the last almost seventeen months, we have gone on weekend trips together and had countless girls nights. They have listened to me and encouraged me all the countless times I have doubted myself as a single mother. And most of these women were there when I met the new man in my life. They showed me nothing but love and encouragement for moving forward with this aspect of my life. They were all aware of how incredibly difficult it was for me to take that step, but they held my hand and walked along with me. They embraced him as if he had been here all along. 

Never before have I felt so surrounded by love and light by a group of women like this. Tragedy brought us together, and the bond we now share is unbreakable. We are a tribe. We will always be there for each other no matter what obstacles life puts in our paths. Just as a group of female elephants surrounds another female herd member when she is under attack or giving birth, these women have closed their ranks around me. I am giving birth to a new life, and they are kicking up the dirt and trumpeting in celebration. We are doing this together. Right now, I am in the elephant in the middle but someday it may be someone else's turn. And we will do exactly for her what they are all doing, and have been doing for me the past seventeen months. We will surround our sister and guide her through her dark season for as long as it takes. We will offer unconditional love and support. And we will show the world that our bond is unbreakable.

This post is dedicated to the amazing women who have surrounded me these past 17 months. I could never fully express in words, my gratitude for all the love and support you have given me. You have shown me light in my darkest of times. You lifted me up while I navigated a crushing storm. I know that on this long and lonely road of grief, I can always lean on you and that is one of the most beautiful gifts anyone can ever be given.