Fight Song

Sentencing was yesterday. This is the impact statement I read in court....

June 26, 2016 should have been mine and my husband’s 12th wedding anniversary. Instead of celebrating, I spent the day planning my husband’s funeral and explaining to my children that their daddy had been killed and was now in heaven. The evening before, he had done something he had done nearly every day of his adult life. He went out for a bike ride. The only difference this time, was that he didn’t get to come back home. My children and I have been walking through hell for the past eleven months. I have been through intense trauma therapy for PTSD. My children are also in therapy. We are crippled with grief, fear, and anxiety. Callie has stolen our sense of trust and security in this world. Our family and friends have been completely devastated by the loss of this man. The pain and trauma that we have all been put through has been unimaginable.

Never again will we hear his infectious laugh or see his bright smile. Never again will he arrive home to the fanfare of his children’s voices after a day at work. He will not be there to celebrate his children's’ successes and offer guidance in their struggles. He won’t be there to attend their school functions. He isn’t there at night to tuck them into bed. He won’t be there to guide them through life. He won’t be there to cheer them on at their sporting events. He won’t be there to see them graduate, get married, or have their own kids. Callie took his fatherhood away from him. She took away his beautiful life that he loved so much. My greatest pain is knowing that my children have to continue on without this great man.

My husband was an amazing human being. He was a man who lived his life in a very calculated manner, who was always prepared for virtually every scenario life could throw at him. Unfortunately he could have never been prepared for the hell that was unleashed on us all that evening. He was a man who made very little mistakes and who always played by the rules and encouraged others to do the same. My husband valued other people’s lives just as much as he valued his own. With his optimism and positive attitude, he was constantly challenging us all to be better people. He spent time mentoring at-risk youth, and just a few months before his own life was taken, he saved the life of a fellow cyclist who was involved in a bad accident. He was a brilliant, and very well respected software engineer. He was a very passionate and accomplished cyclist. My husband was an honest and hard-working man and he had a deep love for his family. Our children were the center of his world, and we had a really beautiful life together. He was a gift, and everyone who knew him felt blessed that he was a part of their lives.

Callie made several choices that day, and unfortunately, it was not the first time she had made some of these choices. Careless, reckless, heartless, selfish choices. A choice to violate probation, a choice to get drunk and then operate a vehicle. A choice to exceed the speed limit and to then flee the scene of the accident she created, leaving a dying man lying on the side of the road. When she was finally caught, she then chose to deny all roadside sobriety tests. None of this should have ever happened. It is an absolute atrocity and it was completely preventable. It is so disturbing that people are allowed to repeatedly make these same choices over and over again, and eventually someone gets killed. For some reason, our justice system places more value on the lives of those that drive under the influence of drugs and alcohol, than it does the innocent people they may meet on the roadway.

People will say that our lives were changed in a matter of seconds. That is not entirely true. This happened over years of bad behavior and irresponsible choices with regards to drugs and alcohol. This happened because Callie was never really held accountable for her mistakes, and she clearly has no respect for the law, no respect for authority and no respect for other people’s lives.

Bill has paid the ultimate price for Callie’s poor choices. He was given a death sentence that day for choices that he did not make. He deserved so much more out of life than to die the way he did. Our children and I, as well as the rest of our family and friends are also paying for what she did to him because we have to live the rest of our lives without him. I am now without a husband and our three young boys are without their father. My in-laws are without their son, his siblings without their brother, and our niece and nephews are without their uncle. An entire community is without their friend and colleague. We have all been robbed of this great man.

My husband and I have always worked very hard to instill good values in our children. We teach them to respect others, no matter their differences, to always help others in need, and to not take things that don’t belong to them. I have to wonder, if Callie was ever taught any of these things or if she just truly does not care. She took something that day, that didn’t belong to her and we will never get it back. She took his beautiful life away and had no regard for it whatsoever as she drove off and left him there lying in the road. As a parent, I cannot fathom raising a child to behave as Callie has.

Callie has ripped our world completely apart because of the choices she made that day. It sickens me to know that she felt that her agenda of drinking and doing drugs is more important than any life she encountered while she drove her vehicle drunk and high that day, and all the other times she made those choices in the past. Shame on her and shame on anyone who ever taught her that she could do no wrong. Because she can and she did, in a big way. It’s time for her to stop making excuses for herself, and to stop letting other people make them for her. She needs to be held responsible for her actions. The fact that she would commit heinous act, and then plead not guilty in hopes of lessening her sentence is disgusting. She isn’t dead here. No one is grieving her. My family and I, and our friends, will be grieving my husband for the rest of our lives, while she get to continue to live hers. She has no idea what it is like to be completely grief stricken, and to also have to manage the grief of three young children at the same time. I am not interested in any apologies from her. What I would really like is for her to accept full responsibility for her choices, and take the maximum punishment knowing that it is really the least she can do while the rest of us suffer indefinitely over this. I’m sure she she is probably scared to go to prison. Scared of what it might be like. Scared to give up for her life for a little while. Maybe, for once, she could stop and think about the shock and horror my family and I face every day knowing what she did to my husband, and that we will never see him on this Earth again. Our pain does not end and it never will.

The fact that she could just drive away and leave him on the side of the road like he was nothing is appalling. He wasn’t nothing. He was somebody’s father. Somebody’s son. Somebody’s brother. Somebody’s best friend. Somebody’s teammate. Somebody’s husband. He was somebody’s everything.

Nothing that is decided in the this courtroom, or any other courtroom, will ever bring my husband back. And no penalty could ever be great enough. Justice can never actually be served here. The only way that would have ever happened is if Callie had missed my husband when she swerved, and crashed into some inanimate object and killed herself. The sentencing given today could save someone else from this unthinkable misfortune. It could spare some other family of our indescribable grief. This is about Callie finally taking responsibility for her actions. She needs to be penalized for what she has done. If it were up to me, she would get a life sentence and never see the light of day again, but unfortunately we are at the mercy of the justice system. As a nurse, I am aware that alcoholism is a disease and Callie has a clear problem that needs to be addressed. I am also aware that no matter how big your problem, you are not allowed to treat another human being as she has treated my husband. My children ask me regularly if the girl who took their daddy away is going to be in jail forever so she can’t do this to someone else. I hope she never is allowed to hurt anyone else ever again. She is a threat to the community and a menace to society.

I know that it was not her intention to kill my husband and I am trying very hard to forgive her. Forgiveness would allow me and my family to be able to live our lives in peace. To let go of the anger and hate and vengeance we feel towards her. I refuse to be that kind of a person. By forgiving her, it will mean that she never has to occupy another one of my thoughts for as long as I live. She does not deserve any of my energy. Forgiveness is not about forgetting or excusing actions. What she did will never be forgotten about or excused and no punishment could ever be great enough. My hope for her is that she is imprisoned by grief. My grief. My children’s grief. And the grief of our entire family and several communities who are in complete anguish by the loss of my husband. I hope that our grief weighs her down and she carries it with her every day for the rest of her life.

I would ask that she receive the maximum possible sentencing today. She deserves so much more than that, but certainly nothing less.

Thank you.