40th birthday
Dear Bill, Today is my 40th birthday. It is hard to believe you aren't here. Next week will mark 4 years since your death. I can hardly believe it. I will never get used to you being gone. I will never fully get over the shock of it all. We miss you like crazy. You are a part of our regular conversation and are always in our thoughts. There are days when my longing for you makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. I can hardly stand it. I miss us. I miss our old life. I miss making memories and creating a family with you. And I love this new life. The last four years have aged me much more than I would have liked, and at the same time they have given me some pretty amazing blessings. While my anxiety is crippling at times, I am still able to look around and appreciate all that we have been given. I feel so much love for Dave and all these kids and I am so grateful for that every day. I have accepted that I will live the rest of my life in a permanent state of duality. Dav...