Socks
Shortly after he died I cleaned out most of the drawers in his bathroom. I just needed a release and most of that stuff I had no connection to. I threw away countless tubes of sunblock, various oral care devices (he was prone to cavities and Bill Davis was NOT going to let anything get the best of him, least of all a cavity.) I threw out a random assortment of ointments, chapstick, eye drops, and shaving lotion. But I could not throw out the socks. I bought a new bed, new bedding, a new mattress, and new end tables. I gave all the old stuff away. I could not stand sleeping in our bed any longer. It was too painful. I would toss and turn all night long thinking, he should be laying right here next to me. Now I just have a big bed all to myself and while this is incredibly lonely, he never slept here. This is just mine. Well, mine and Ruby's. Now when I lie awake at night I'm thinking about all the stuff I'm doing wrong as a widowed mother, and wondering how I am ever ...